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How to Stay out of Arguments

It is no secret that everyone is prone to argue; it is unavoidable when people disagree. We are all different and, therefore, problems arise. Some people deal with these problems by yelling at each other and trying to prove a point, while others try to avoid a conflict and bottle up all of their anger and resentment before it eventually burst out. No matter how you approach arguing, in the end, someone always gets hurt.

Still, if you learn how to argue constructively, you will start reaching compromises sooner and solve problems easier.

 First, you have to understand that there is a difference between anger and rage

Anger isn’t as destructive as rage, so when you’re angry, try to discuss your feelings calmly. But when you start breaking things around you, screaming, and shouting, your anger has turned to rage, and it’s much harder to calm down.

 Try talking about your feelings before you get angry

When a situation that needs to be handled arises, try dealing with it safely, without an argument if it’s possible. Sometimes, all that’s needed is to say what’s bothering you and explain to your conversational partner how you feel while avoiding an argument.

 Avoid raising your voice as much as you can

[su_quote class=”cust-pagination”] “Why do people always assume that volume will succeed when logic won’t?”  ― L.J. Smith [/su_quote]

You would be surprised how often an issue can be resolved without shouting, sometimes even when talking in a whisper. If you and your significant other yell during every argument, try lowering your voice down to a whisper. You would be surprised to see how greatly it can reduce the anger factor in a relationship.

 Don’t make threats in relationships

This is practically emotional blackmail if you threat to your partner and awaken a feeling of panic in them, or their fight or flight instinct. If you’re threatening to leave, they may already be thinking of how to fill the void you’re trying to make or fall into a severe depression.

Even if you’ve never planned to go through with what you’re threatening them with, they don’t know that, and you are probably hurting them more than you know.

 Don’t bring up past arguments

Some people do this when they’re out of valid reasons for the fight they’re having at that moment but still, want to feel as if they’re the victim in the scenario. Therefore, they bring up past issues that should have been resolved a while ago. So, if there are still some unresolved issues and feelings from the past, deal with them on time.

 Don’t avoid or bottle up your anger

If you keep stuffing your feelings, eventually, you will explode and maybe even end up saying things you didn’t mean and regret them later. Anger isn’t a sign that you don’t love someone; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We only get angry at those we love the most.

 Try creating a process for resolving issues without anger

First, each of you should take about five minutes to say how you feel and what’s bothering you. Then take a ten-minute break to think about what your partner has said and then return and try to find the best solution for the problem you’re dealing with. Also, you need to accept that some problems take the time to be solved and that’s okay.

 Abuse is never allowed or acceptable

This includes all types of abuse, physical, verbal and things like smashing plates, slamming doors and hitting walls. If your argument escalates to a level where you feel the need to do any of these things, simply just leave the house and give yourself time to cool down.

 Don’t let yourself be pulled into an unnecessary argument 

Some people start arguments because it gives them a feeling of power or dominance. Check if your conversational partner tries provoking you into an argument. Don’t fall for it and don’t let yourself be sucked into their need for attention.

 Understand your feelings and listen to your body

During arguments and any strong feelings in general, your body releases chemicals that may temporarily make you want to do something destructive to yourself or someone else. When you learn to understand your feelings, you will also learn to process anger that affects you physically and emotionally in a way that’s not harmful to anyone.

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